Saturday, October 21, 2006

This week in Cornwall

Quite an exciting week in Cornwall!

On Thursday there was an earthquake roughly along the valley of the river Tamar. Cornwall is now an island! Associated with this on Thursday evening, a tidal wave swept in at Hayle – and West Penwith is also an island.

Temporary bridges will be placed over the Tamar chasm at the main former crossing points. There will a toll on traffic entering Cornwall with the money being used to reduce Council Taxes. Council Tax payers will be exempt from these charges. The King Harry ferry will serve West Penwith till we can afford a bridge.

A new swinging tax on holiday homes will be introduced next Wednesday. The money raised this way will be used to reduce Council Taxes.

The NHS institutions in Cornwall are to be controlled by a new governing body. Membership will be restricted to Council Tax payers and they will be elected by Council Tax payers.

Institutions of Higher Learning in Cornwall will be grouped together, although on dispersed sites, and will become the University of Cornwall. The Universities of Exeter & Plymouth will be told to mind their own business.

In future, anybody living full time in Cornwall and paying Council Tax will be entitled to claim they are Cornish. The rest will be known as “the English”.

Anybody suggesting that road signs etc should be bi-lingual will be asked to sign a legally binding form that commits them to paying for the changes.

The new French toxic waste plant will be moved to England. We shall use our rubbish to enlarge the Scillies.


Rick said...

Anyone would think it was Irish judging from t he new colour scheme.

The Cornish Underground said...

All hail the peoples republic!

Cornish welcome over at

The english smell. We have proved this scientifically.